One of the reasons I decided to start writing this blog is that, when I was first coming into my kink, it was very hard for me to find positive examples of male submission, places where I felt able to talk about my desires and doubts, or even places where other kinky people explained how they came to terms with their needs. While there is a much wider range of resources available now, there is still a marked shortage of material about how it feels to be a submissive man, or even a switchy one. By writing about my experiences here, and sharing my thoughts, I hope that I can make it easier for a few people to find their way, or to become more at ease with themselves, and to this end I encourage you to ask me questions, or forward me your opinions. I am always open to discussion, and I will always be as forthright as I can. While this blog is new, you can find below a few questions which I have been asked in face-to-face discussions about my kink, and my views. I look forward to hearing from you soon!
As a submissive man, how do I get into spanking films?
This is one I love to hear, because it makes me feel that the identity of male submission is becoming marginally less stigmatised every time it is asked. That’s not actually happening, of course, but the idea of being either submissive, or exhibitionist, or heavens forbid both, as a man has been a thorny subject for a long time. If you are sure you want to start working in the adult film industry, and you have done enough playing in more private and informal scenarios that you are sure you have what it takes, you could do well to contact Pandora Blake of Dreams of Spanking, send her a couple of pictures (not just of your genitals or arse, please. I’m sure they’re lovely, but still…) and see how you get on.
You say you’ve got two girlfriends. What’s with that?
My partners and I practise polyamory, otherwise known as responsible non-monogamy (which makes it sound like you have to be wearing sensible shoes). We believe that you don’t have to love only one person in order to love them properly, and that it is possible to have stable, healthy relationships involving more than two people. We are a triad, which means that each of us is in a relationship with both of the others, and we see this as a long-term situation in which there are three relationships, not one. We see ourselves very much as a family, and have each found our way into polyamory after some degree of confusion and soul wrangling. For more information, I would recommend that you read my post on the subject over at the Good Men Project.
You talk a lot about feminism, but you’re a man. Isn’t feminism just for women?
I believe that the patriarchy is something which causes as much damage to men as it does to women. For every woman who would like to be the head of a household, or even to identify as butch without getting grief in public, there is a man who is becoming ill because he cannot ask for help. Over the past forty years, feminism has come to represent the study of the effects of gender identity and relations on the lives and freedoms of individuals and groups. While a better term for what I believe in would be gender equality, the widespread understanding of the term is less developed and therefore the term itself is less likely to make me understood. Also, for all that I have been screwed up over the years by my gender identity, and what it tells me I must and must not do, I still believe that, here and now, women have got it rougher. Sorry guys, if you disagree please drop me a line and I will be more than happy to argue with you. For somebody who has been talking about this far longer than I have, with far more eloquence, I would direct you to SnowdropExplodes’ blog.